1. From Nurse to Freebirther - How Did I Go From Ideal Hospital Birth Patient to Bucking the System?
Hey, Mama! If you’re pregnant or trying to conceive and are wanting to empower yourself with the knowledge you need to have an unmedicated, natural childbirth experience, you’re in the right place! Whether you want to have a natural birth at home, in a birth center, or at a hospital [that one’s a little trickier], it is important to know what to expect. Looking for all of that information on your own can be daunting! I know because I had to do it for myself, but fear not - you’re in the right place! Welcome home, girl! I am here for you!
I’m Katie and I’m passionate about helping pregnant women empower themselves. The truth is you don’t need me. You already have the instincts and strength in you right now to say NO to the medical birth industry, but it helps when you know how and why hospital birth happens the way it does. You could do all of the research on these topics on your own, but if you’re not in the mood for digging through medical studies and combing through research while you’re trying to enjoy your pregnancy, you’re in luck, because I already did all of that for you during mine😆
My own journey from a pushover hospital birth patient to an unabashed free birther had some wild curves and forks in the road, but the road less traveled is more often than not more beautiful, isn’t it? I had 3 highly medicalized births before I stepped into my own power and gave the hospital birth industry the middle finger. I freebirthed my fourth baby at home in my bathtub with no one but my husband with me and it was the most fantastic experience of my life.
First off, I wanted to let you know a little about me. I married my husband Miles in 2014 and I’m a mama of 4 beautiful, sweet girls. Our family lives in Central Indiana in the town I was raised in, with a cat, 3 dogs, a pug, a “corstiff” (corgi/mastiff mix) and a “golden weenie” as I like to call her😆(our dachshund/golden retriever mix). There are also 3 guinea pigs, a chinchilla, a turtle, and 20 chickens floating around here. I’m an animal lover, what can I say? I attended Purdue University [BOILER UP!] and received my bachelor of science in mechanical engineering technology, and not long after that, I did a 180 and obtained my accelerated nursing degree through Marian University. Growing up loving children, I worked as a pediatric floor RN on an oncology/surgical floor, but my true passion was always in birth, so I found a mother/baby RN job at the hospital that was literally across the street from me. I worked there until I had my third baby, after which I decided to stay at home full time.
The straw that broke the camel’s back and had me questioning everything I ever learned when it came to my relationship with medicalized birth was the fact that my third was a completely unnecessary induction. I was 40 weeks and 3 days and my OB didn’t want to “let me” go any further than that. Thinking that I ever allowed someone to have that power over me makes me want to vomit, but as I said before, I was a good patient back then. I nodded, shrugged my shoulders, and said, “Okay.” But it NEVER. FELT. RIGHT. Not for one minute. To this day, I still struggle to forgive myself, but what was I supposed to do, stand up to the doctor? Make her think I knew my body and my baby better? Pfft. I couldn’t! Sure, the birth went great, she’s safe and healthy and the most hilarious 3 year old you’ve ever met now, but we forget that that isn’t all that matters in birth. How we birth matters, too, and I have this nagging feeling that I didn’t let her come out when she was ready. She didn’t get to choose her birthday and it haunts me, honestly, as crazy as that may sound to some.
We all saw what happened in the past three years and it really shook our confidence in the medical system as a whole. Still, even at the beginning of my fourth pregnancy, I went to all of the appointments and did all of the tests, had all of the ultrasounds. However, I still wanted to have that elusive natural, unmedicated childbirth that I had been dreaming of, and this could be my last baby! It’s now or never. So, I looked into some affirmations and thought “I’m good to go, right?” Sure. 👍🏻
The first bump in this part of the road was when I tried having an alternative food for my glucola test. You know the one…when you’re forced to guzzle down 50g of sugar and then wait for an hour to have your blood glucose tested. Great, well, the last time I did this test I wanted to vomit the rest of the day and now I have 3 other kids to take care of, so that was a hard pass for me. On top of that, I was eating mostly whole organic foods, no additives, and even though they took out the dyes in these drinks, they are still gross, nutrition wise. So, why couldn’t I eat 50 grams of natural sugar, you know, like from a banana? I didn’t see a reason why not and neither did some people on the internet, including some OBGYNs. I learned that a banana and some grape juice is 50 grams of sugar, so I requested that. The OB was stubbornly refusing for weeks going back and forth and finally said that I could use the Fresh Test, or I could test my blood sugar 4 times a day for 2 weeks. Yeah, I’m sure I’d definitely stay on top of that with 3 children between 7 and 2 at home. 👌🏻 The Fresh Test is an alright alternative for some people but is still not a natural source of sugar. It wasn’t until I asked for a reason why that I was allowed my food of choice. Probably because she didn’t have a reason why. I’m sure it was just “hospital policy.”
I got through that hurdle, which felt like an unnecessary pain in the ass. Then my 32 week appointment was up. I went in feeling great until my nurse informed me that my baby was still breech. She assured me that it’s early, but if she didn’t turn, I would need a Cesarean. I’m sorry, WTF did you just say? This is my fourth baby. You’re not cutting me open to get my fourth baby out just because she’s breech. I went home and furiously dug into the internet. Even though my mother told me horror stories about her breech delivery episiotomy with my brother, I still felt that a breech birth would be better than a cesarean. Along the way, I came across Dr. Stu Fischbein, an OBGYN trying to reteach vaginal breech deliveries across the United States.
The way he discussed not only breech births, but all births as a natural event that has been co-opted by the white coats in the medical industry blew my mind! And it all made sense. I could finally see it clearly. What the hell were we doing here thinking medical professionals knew a better way to birth than nature or as God designed it? Yes, there are times that a medical hand is necessary, but to scare EVERY woman into thinking the hospital was the safest way to birth? What an absolute SHAM! It made me angry. I was mad that, even disregarding my nursing degree, I was brainwashed into thinking I couldn’t birth without being in a hospital. That birth is a dangerous medical event that needs to be managed by other people. That I NEEDED the epidural because I wasn’t STRONG or CAPABLE enough. That I was a weak little woman that needed saving from the smart people in scrubs. What a load of fucking horseshit. [Pardon my French🫢]
My mindset changed. It wasn’t “maybe I’ll have a physiological birth.” It was “I can’t wait to have this baby the way my ancestors birthed.” That shift was all I needed. I was all in.
The day before my due date I started feeling contractions around 1:30 in the afternoon and began timing them. I was in early labor until nighttime so I just laid in bed and rested because I knew I would need my energy. At 1:30 in the morning, I called my husband and said we should probably fill up the tub because I needed some relief. The warm water was amazing. I was calm, I felt safe and I felt loved. I was ready. The contractions were finally so intense and I could feel her moving down in my pelvis. I automatically raised my arms above my head [something I learned would happen in my research] which helped move my sacrum out of the way. I remember telling my husband I couldn’t do it, another sign that my husband and I read about that many women say. Once I heard those words come out of my mouth, I knew she was coming. After that surge, I whispered to myself, “Yes, I can. I can do this.” He suggested I get on my knees, so I flipped over and in the next contraction the fetal ejection reflex helped me roar her head out. Shortly after, her body followed and I picked this precious baby of mine out of the water in pure awe and amazement of what I had just done. I did it! At 2:55 am I birthed my baby girl. I met my Little “B” for the very first time.
I know that home birth, free birth, or whatever you want to call it isn’t for everybody, but women need to understand that they are fully able to birth their babies wherever they want. You can have a physiological birth in the hospital, but you have to prepare yourself. If I were forced into a hospital to birth again, I wouldn’t step foot in there without knowing I had a doula at my side who was ready to advocate for me.
